My daily schedule for the past seven months hasnt been so different than before these past seven months. I am not happy with this arrangement. Wake up with the kids, bum around until work, come home, bum around the house until dinner, settle in front of the TV until I cant keep my eyes open. Every. Day. Some days I'm lucky enough to take a field trip to meet a friend. Grocery shopping used to be a two+ times a week task, now... I might go once every 2 weeks. The kids have settled into this change without too much fuss. Footnote: the "kids" are fur-kids. Some details are still being finalized, as far as settling the estate, so any kind of complete closure cant really happen until that's done either. All the grief gurus say the same things: this is normal. all the feelings are exactly what you should be feeling. the stages are real and happening, even if its subconsciously.
Well... that's dumb. I understand my life is different now, is forever changed. What I am unable to grasp is why it doesnt seem different. My days used to begin with Him already being gone to work, dinner was made when He got home - which we usually ate in separate rooms, and then He would go to bed while I stayed up late, until well past when He was asleep. The highlight of my days were texts from Him. And that first kiss when He came through the door at night. I didnt believe I took those small things for granted, but now that I cant have them... why is it just the little things that had to change? It seems that way, anyhow. Every day is the same, and so very different - and wrong.
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